Comparison and Perfectionism

I wanted to take a few minutes to be transparent about something I have struggled with for most of my life.  I'm talking about the issue of comparison and perfectionism.  My tendency has always been to focus on a small number of things, but to try and do these things well.  My standards for myself are high, which can be good. 


But there is also a downside.  High standards can easily turn into impossible standards.  It's very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that, if I'm not as good as somebody else or if I don't measure up to my own perfect standards, then I'm not good enough.  Further, thinking that because I'm not good enough, it would be better for me to keep my talents to myself and not share them with others.  This can be paralyzing and debilitating.


There are three specific areas that come to mind.

Speaking

I'm talking about speaking to a group.  Or recording one of my videos.  Really, anytime it's me giving any kind of monologue, it feels very awkward and uncomfortable.  For most of my life, I avoided speaking publicly, unless it was absolutely necessary.  It's really bad when I don't have a lot of time to plan out and rehearse what I am going to say.  I'll start making a good point, but then go blank.  Or I won't have any idea how I'm supposed to wrap things up.  So I'll just awkwardly cut it off.

Songwriting

I was in a band for years for years and did almost none of the writing.  The other guys were quite prolific, but I just wasn't.  About 12 years ago, I started writing.  It was very exciting at first.  I was very quick to share my songs with other people.  Others were generally very supportive.  However, the first couple of times my songs were not received the way I hoped, I started to become lot more timid.  I figured that I wasn't as good as others who were commercially successful.  At some point, I stopped sharing my songs.

Singing

This one is huge.  As a kid, I enjoyed singing just for fun.  Around the age of 13, somebody else made a negative remark about my singing.  This comment shut me down for years.  You couldn't have paid me enough money to sing in front of anyone else.  In college, a good friend gave me some singing pointers, which I used to improve my singing ability.  The first time I finally had the nerve to sing a solo in front of anyone was at the age of 26.  But I was still very self-conscious.  Probably more so because I married such a great singer.  On many occasions, I had to push through nervousness so that I could get to the point of being more comfortable singing.  It's better today.  But almost every time I sing in front of others, it still takes me a few minutes to work through my nervousness.


For years, I let these insecurities keep me from sharing my God-given talents.  While others were sharing their talents, I remained on the sidelines because I never thought I was good enough.  There were three realizations that turned things around and changed my perspective.  They are as follows:

1. No matter how talented I become or how much time and effort I devote to improving, there will always be somebody more talented.  And no matter how much I improve I always be well aware of my own shortcomings.  If everyone were to apply my standard to themselves, almost nobody would ever share their talents.


2. There will always be people with less than talent than me who are boldly and unapologetically using their talents.  So what excuse do I have?  None.  I came to realize that God had already given me enough talent to do what He had called me to do.


3. Even if my songs don't end up on the radio or sung in churches all over the world, I can still make a real impact in my own circles.  Those around me who are hurting aren't going to disregard a song I share with a message of hope because I'm not as talented as somebody else.


What it comes down to is the fact that I already have plenty of talent and a platform to make a difference in other people's lives.  And so do you.  This is why I always end my videos with the phrase "if you have a song in your heart, sing it...because the world needs to hear it."  Sure, there is definitely a place for recognizing your weaknesses and working hard to improve in these areas.  But my point is that you don't need to wait until you have "arrived" to begin sharing your talents with others.

Can any of you relate to what I am saying?  Do you have a tendency toward perfectionism or comparing yourself with others?  Have you allowed a sense of inadequacy to keep you on the sidelines, rather than using your God-given talents?